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Parenting Doesn't Need to be Miserable

Writer's picture: Elizabeth EirwoodElizabeth Eirwood

Updated: Jul 17, 2022


We all love a good joke about the struggles of parenting. It feels good to come together to laugh and it helps us feel less alone. I'm all for it. But all jokes aside, parenting shouldn't be miserable. Here are some common sacrifices that parents make and ways that you can avoid them.


1. Taking on too much. It's not enough to just keep your kids alive and happy. We also need to make sensory bins, go to playdates, do activities, take snacks to school, get birthday gifts for all our kid's friends, plus work so we can save for college and retirement. It is so easy as a parent to overfill your plate. If you're running non-stop all week long, it's time to take something off your plate. Here's my strategy: I look at each item on my to-do list and ask myself what feels heaviest. What is the biggest burden? Is it the playgroup that you dread? Or going to kid's birthday parties? Once I've picked a few things, I ask myself, "What is the worst possible outcome if I skip this?" Then I weigh that against my dread. Sometimes the answer is that nothing bad will happen. Other times, the worst possible outcome is something I want to avoid. Romi loves his music class. Even though it's not my favorite, I wouldn't ever take it off the list because it would take so much joy out of his life. Dance class, on the other hand, got the boot. Romi didn't love it and I dreaded it (you try getting a two-year-old to follow dance instructions and let me know how that goes for you). Take a look at your list, weigh the good and bad and decide what you can take off.


2. Feeling overwhelmed by housework. My grandma told me, "My house was not clean until all my kids were in school." For her, that didn't happen until after thirteen years of parenting. For thirteen years her house was not clean. As long as I've been alive, her house has been spotless. The takeaway is that your house will be clean one day and today is not that day. It's okay if the dishes have piled up. It's okay if the laundry is molding in the washer. It's okay if you can't remember the last time you mopped the floor. It's okay. One day your house will be clean again. Don't feel the pressure to make that day be today.


3. Skipping sleep. Let me be clear that I don't mean miss sleep. We all know that's often unavoidable. Romi woke me up three times last night. Missing sleep will happen. I'm talking about skipping sleep. That is, staying up too late or getting up too early because you feel like there's too much that needs to be done. Your to-do list is not more important than your sleep. Let me say that again: Your to-do list is not more important than your sleep. When you miss sleep, your body starts to break down. A full night's sleep is what allows your body to repair cells and reset for the next day. Building up a sleep debt means your body isn't able to repair and it's breaking down even faster than it normally would. Make sure you're getting at least 7 hours of sleep every night. I promise you will wake up more refreshed and be better able to tackle the day and be a good parent.


4. Avoiding activities. I don't mean the activities that you want to avoid. By all means, please skip those. I mean the activities that fill your cup. If you're too tired or your schedule is too full to participate in these activities, then something needs to change. When you're reviewing your schedule from tip #1, take the time to ask yourself which activities rejuvenate you. They may be activities that aren't even on your schedule. Is there a friend you've been longing to catch up with? Do you desperately need a massage? Maybe you just need a quiet lunch date by yourself. Carve out the time to make these activities happen. You will come back feeling like a new person.


5. Missing family time. We've all done it. Your kid wants to play but the pile of laundry is calling to you and so you say no to playtime. It is hard to balance these things. I want to encourage you to prioritize the time with your kids and your partner. In your daily schedule, set aside time to spend with the family. For me, that's after dinner. I leave the dishes in the sink, my phone on the counter and we have uninterrupted playtime. No matter how behind I am, I make sure to take this time every day. Sometimes if things are really chaotic, I make a game out of cleaning. We play "tidying up hide and seek" where I put something away and hide there until Romi finds me. Then I run to grab another item, put it away, and hide. He laughs and laughs and I get the house picked up.


6. Letting your mental health suffer. This is a big one. I think we are all guilty of this. All of the tips I've given above are meant to improve your mental health. This is the biggest way to make sure that you are not miserable as a parent. Take time for yourself, get enough sleep, fill your cup, have quality time with your family, and find a therapist. It is life-changing to have someone who is paid to listen to you and help you process the struggles of parenting. If you don't have insurance or your insurance doesn't cover a therapist, check out www.openpathcollective.org. This organization will help you find a sliding scale therapist near you.


If you're feeling overwhelmed by the thought of adjusting your weekly schedule, sign up for my upcoming FREE webinar on creating a routine. This webinar is focused on helping parents maximize their productive time so that they can build in family and self-care time. Live attendees will have the opportunity to ask me questions and brainstorm solutions to your schedule dilemmas. If you can't make it live-- I get it!-- you'll get a copy of the webinar session to watch whenever you have free minutes.


How you feel as a parent matter to your kids. If you are miserable, that affects them. They can pick up on it. If I can't convince you to make these changes for yourself, then I hope I can convince you to make these changes for your kids. You are worth it. They are worth it. Take time today to prioritize yourself so that you are able to prioritize your kids.


Love always,







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